I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
