yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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