I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
