white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
