Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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