So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
