oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
