So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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