help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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