theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
