he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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