we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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