i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
