Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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