Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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