Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
