sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize