I need help removing her.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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