that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
