And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i came on her dog
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
