So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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