its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
