So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
