her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
