I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
