I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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