He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
