My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
