I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Couch. On fire.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
