And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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