My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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