Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
