you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
