I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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