there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
