Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
