Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
