We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
