I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
