Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
