I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
