Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
