I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
