I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize