Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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