you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize