I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
