I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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