Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
