My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
