Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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