so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
