yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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