Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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