i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize