What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
