no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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