i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
do nipples grow back?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
