Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we're so committed to being not committed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
