hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
