Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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