Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
