last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
