yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
