i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
